Being back in the United States, Report 1

It's very strange being back. I was able to get some perspective on my own habits while in China, and I've been grappling with changing them after coming back. Picking up working on the magazine, I've had to return to the habits I'd been used to before the trip, but not only re-acclimating, I've been trying to change those very same habits. Despite doing them, I've tried to see if variations improve the outcome. It's still a little exhausting and nerve-wracking. The comparison between my life in China and here is still fresh, and it's very odd to view things from the outside. I feel there are a lot of barriers I self-impose on myself, which I'd not really been aware of until I'd been to a place where my daily routines were quite different from what I'd been doing previously. I don't know why I adjusted in quite this manner, but I got up much earlier than I do while in the US, 6 AM versus 10 AM, without much difficulty, although I slept quite often in the middle of the day for hours, when I had no classes. Playing computer games at 6 PM on Wednesdays and Sundays was no longer a part of my normal schedule. Previously, those two duties restricted the rest of my week in when I could do something spontaneous. Although still following a weekday/weekend schedule, Saturdays always meant me getting out of the school, perhaps being taken to somewhere outside the city, always new experiences. For me at home, Saturday's when I can "plan" to do something with certainty, and Sundays are always when I have to be back home before 4 in order to host PvP and RBGs for my guild. Now, most things were unplanned.

Being back in the United States, it felt like those old routines were large rulers, lines, girders, which defined and described what I could do and when I could do them. Smaller, invisible lines, which I'd constructed for myself, further limited what I would be willing to do, when. The former could be changed if they were negative, or built around if they were positive, but the barriers I'd created for my own conscious had to be changed internally. So far, it's been about embracing the unusual, the non-routine, the spontaneous interaction and following it a bit. I guess I'm overly methodical to a fault. But that could be dealing with the occasional smoke now and then. <grins>

I'd been absent the herb for over a month and a half; I'd not smoked for several weeks since returning to the States. I'd abstained for that long for several reasons, and took it at a certain time because I've experienced quite potent visual effects and differences in thinking after either having lowered my tolerance for a while or having gone on a trip somewhere; the time spent somewhere else seemed to be condensed back into highly visual thought scenes in memory. Metaphorical and representative rather than what literally happened.

A principal example I remember from year's previous is having come back from Chicago. I'd been going to an expo at the Navy Pier, and I saw a scene where everywhere I'd been was interconnected like a line of me's, tracing back to the hotel, where I saw all the parts of the city likewise stringed along, although only including places which had been in my perception. Everywhere else was just blacked out, like a computer game on noclip. This was more literal, and one I had coming back from Arizona was more metaphorical. I feel the Chicago memory scene was an example of the fourth-dimension. At any rate, I'd been well-rewarded by periods of abstinence and travel combined, so I expected the same here.

The insights that had felt much clearer just after having come back are harder to sort out now. One thing, that I noticed even in China, was that the news sources in the US are manifestly negative and fear-causing, whether expressing correct or incorrect information. I can't really compare with other news services, but it seemed the state news in China was most concerned with keeping a populace harmonious rather than scared. Sure, it's partly due to the nature of the regime, but I also didn't feel an overhanging cloud of fear while in China, even while reading the sites I'd normally read back home.

This was fairly visceral upon coming back. I'd had fairly minimal negative thoughts while in China; back at home, it felt like I was flooded with them. Having a new outside perspective, I've tried to change or tweak the toxic habits, but it's slow going. Also, the news which was barbless in China now sinks home with sinking fangs. I change habits by imposing periods of abstention and thinking in novel fashions, but it's like fighting against the current now.

Getting used to herb's effects and trying to do new activities is a bit hard right now. Then again, this is only the second weekend after I first used it in over a month. Probably going to abstain during the week, occasionally during the weekend, switch it up, *but*, trying to find a routine that can accommodate a little of both sides. I think it's possible to take advantage of herb occasionally to good effect, and modify behaviors positively and initiating/embracing novel routines in the off-time of using it. Eventually, I'll be more acclimated to its social impact again.

One of the things I do here in the states but not so much in China was project desires. Although I was consciously trying to avoid doing it in China, it was also easier to do than here in the US. So, I didn't think of things I wanted to do, as much as I do here at any rate, and rather just went with the flow... which was often fairly relentless. <laughs> But welcomed.

Here, it's happening so frequently it feels automatic. I've been able to change and lower it somewhat, actually I've had pretty good success in doing things like whenever I'm projecting, just trying to not think and say no, no, that's not going to happen and don't think about it. But it's a slow process. Freeing up mental space in the future, i.e. not planning something for the weekend, is another exercise. Made a bit more difficult of course by simultaneously trying to get used to herb again.

I think I'm in a bit of shell-shock, honestly. I feel we're in a much more negative situation than in China, because of our government's policy choices being consistently aggressive to other nations and only favoring policies that empower or deregulate moneyed institutions. China has its problems, but aren't making them the same way the United States is. How do I live in a country where the government is the world's warmonger and couldn't care less about me in comparison to that lobbyist with tens of thousands behind him to influence a politician directly?

The World as Body: Disease in the microcosm and macrocosm. Part 1 of a series.

I believe that disease within the human body mirrors social, economic and environmental problems around the world, with particular types of disease having exact replicas within the exterior world. Understanding this is vital to shedding light on why various seemingly terrible and unspeakable actions are done in our world. By using disease within the microcosm, the human body, as a metaphor to explain societal ailments in the macrocosm, our world, we can begin to understand, and correct these pathologies that cause so much harm to many, and only benefit a few.

Many pathological socio-economic and geopolitical constructions in the world body are created because they are beneficial to a small group of individuals, who potentially have no long-term survival interest, only short-term goals. These groups can easily be compared to viruses, bacteria, and cancerous cells. Viruses, bacteria, and cancers take up a relatively miniscule percentage of the human body, but can still through their reproduction, and the processes they trigger, lead to the death of that human body.

However, for whatever reason, pathogens continue their routine even if by killing their host they may bring about their own destruction. While certainly many diseases can spread vectors from corpses, eventually a successful pathogen will deplete all of its fuel, leading to its self-destruction.

Understanding this essential attribute of pathogens enables one to understand the reason and logic behind so many of the global pathological constructions. For example; pollution of the environment and the acceleration of global warming may seem like a negative situation for everyone concerned, rich and poor. But in actuality, the richest, most empowered individuals greatly benefit from such a situation. For one thing, *everyone else*, from the middle class, the poor, even the middling rich, are simply either enemies to be marginalized, disempowered and destroyed, or resources to be utilized. Seeing this section of humanity, from the 90% on down, to be conservative, as the majority of the human body's healthy cells, and the concentrated, most wealthy and powerful as the initial pathogens, allows one to see the situation in perspective. From the standpoint of a virus (the top 1%, perhaps even .01%), if the majority environment is terribly polluted, the MAJORITY will struggle to survive; I, as the human equivalent of a virus, will have the resources to purchase the best land, to create a housing development with sufficient technology to deal with all the side-effects of pollution, and the resources to keep it guarded and separate.

However, the poorest will be dying by the droves just trying to obtain water, and what water they do procure will probably be terribly polluted, making them sick. The larger the percentage of the population I, the virus, can render into absolute poverty, complete destitution, the more power I wield in comparison. Those who struggle just to survive cannot muster any opposition or resistance. The pathological section of humanity is identical to the pathogens of the body. As a virus sickens the body it inhabits, the harder it is for that body to recover to health, and to neutralize the pathogen inhabiting it. The more cells that are sickened and die do not detract from the robustness of the pathogen in any way, shape or form; indeed, they foster a better environment for the pathogen to spread and survive.

Those with the most resources can always procure what is necessary for survival, and also obtain advantages which empower them above the rest. Thus for example, if the human pathogens defund public education, they disempower the majority by reducing their ability to be knowledgeable and skilled. However, possessing excessive resources, the pathogens do not suffer the same fate; they can spend the money necessary to obtain the best education for themselves and their children. Thus, a two-fold benefit occurs, as is the trend with these pathological behaviors; they disempower the rest while empowering themselves. This makes resistance more difficult.

In addition, most of these actions have knock-on, or domino effects. In the case of reducing the quality of public education, which is advantageous to obtaining a career, the side-effect is more people without jobs. This leads to poverty. Poverty leads to increased likelihood of criminal action by the poor to survive; without jobs to support them, and without the skills necessary to obtain a job, the alternatives are starvation or crime. Crime can be responded to with police force and imprisonment. Imprisonment fills up the jails. This both removes one's enemies, E.G., everyone else, and transforms them into a possible labor source. Prison labor has been on the rise in the United States in the last decade, and an imprisoned population is one that is controlled and even less able to resist. Thus the initial action of reducing the quality of public education has further knock-on effects which are advantageous to the human equivalent of pathogens.

This must be seen as the modus operandi of all pathological geopolitical and socio-economic actions.